Ever been driving along merrily, feeling smug that the traffic isn’t as bad as normal, and then, just in front of you, out pulls a funeral procession? This is exactly what happened to us this afternoon.
Now, I’ll be honest, my first response was immediate frustration, starting when I realised there were two people walking down the road at the front and then growing as each new car pulled out of the junction to join the procession (totalling at least 7). However, the reality was that I didn’t have to be anywhere in a hurry, my toddler was happy in the back and there was no reason for me to be frustrated. (I’m not too proud to admit that I did this processing whilst trying to find a cut through down said junction, not succeeding and having to come back out to join an even longer line of traffic!)
So, stuck in very slow moving traffic, and watching a funeral procession I decided to chat about it. Have you chatted to your toddler about death? I’m not sure how much my little guy understands when it comes to talking about a topic like this but I do know that the more I talk to him now the easier it will be to continue to be open and to chat to each other and God.
I spent a long time explaining to him about what happens when someone dies, what a funeral is, how we celebrate a person’s life, what the funerals I’ve been to have been like and how much those people would have loved to have met him. We talked about how actually when my Granny died we were happy in a funny way because she got to go to Heaven and that’s where she said she was so ready to go.
By the end of the ‘conversation’ I felt almost grateful to have been able to follow this procession of people all celebrating someone’s life and I also found myself really looking forward to when my little guy would be able to ask questions and ponder aloud with me.
Right from the start of being a mum (from pregnancy in fact) I’ve had conversations with my little boy. It’s not about him understanding everything I say, it’s not about just needing to talk when I’ve no adult company, but it’s about involving him in everything. As he grows up and starts to ponder and ask questions I want him to know that no subject is out of bounds, no question is too silly, and for it to flow out of conversation that started right from when he started. I want him to know he can talk about everything.
What are the conversations you want to start having now so that you’re simply continuing them when your kids start to join in?
18 Comments
Andy · February 16, 2017 at 11:14 pm
M lost her Grandad last year. She Loves asking about him being dead. It’s almost entertaining when it isn’t in front of her Grandma….
Annie · February 16, 2017 at 11:16 pm
That’s the only thing, when we encourage them to talk about everything they have no filter!
Muffintopmummyblog · February 20, 2017 at 5:34 pm
I really love this idea – I want my daughter to be able to speak to me about anything without worrying about judgement/misunderstanding etc. She’s only 3 months old but sounds like it’s never too early to start… thanks Mama! #postsfromtheheart
Annie · February 20, 2017 at 6:22 pm
Thank you! That’s exactly it, I’m not sure it’s ever too early to start, definitely worth being in the habit before they talk back!
Amanda · February 20, 2017 at 6:14 pm
This is a beautiful post! Like you, I’ve always talked to my son about everything, and even though he isn’t the most talkative boy, when he does talk about things with us he has some pretty deep and meaningful thoughts on life! Last year, just after the Referendum, he randomly blurted out, “I just love everybody”. And then later in the year when I introduced him to the Bible App for kids and we got to the Easter Story, he told me, “my heart broke when Jesus died…” (he did indeed break down in tears!) “but then when he came back it made my heart whole again!” He is only 5 and yet he is able to express these things *because* we have encouraged him to share how he feels and ask us about the things around him – when you give people of any age the space and encouragement to talk and ask questions, you give them a true gift. And they, in turn, give you a true gift by sharing their hearts with you. Here’s to many, many more chats like that for you and your little one 🙂 #sharethejoy
Annie · February 20, 2017 at 6:23 pm
Thank you! So encouraging to hear from a mama whose little one is slightly bigger. We love the Bible app already! Thank you for your encouragement 😊
PassTheProseccoPlease · February 20, 2017 at 9:19 pm
This is lovely – I have always spoken to my little one about everything, I tell him most things, and I want him to be able to ask me anything xx #PostsFromTheHeart
Annie · February 20, 2017 at 10:30 pm
Thank you 🙂 That’s what I want for my little one too xx
Michelle Twin Mum · February 22, 2017 at 8:26 pm
You are setting up such a good pattern there. Its so important to communicate with your kids about everything even the hard stuff. Well done you. Mich x
Annie · February 22, 2017 at 8:26 pm
Thank you so much 🙂 x
lizziesomerset · February 22, 2017 at 9:26 pm
Thank you for linking up to #sharethejoy. I love it when God does this! He will use the most frustrating thing and just show me something beautiful in it! Sounds like he’s on your case too xo
franbackwithabump · February 23, 2017 at 8:04 am
I don’t believe in god but have always been honest about death woth my eldest daughter. I don’t believe in sugar coating it and misleading them to believe they’ve gone to heaven and giving that impression they’re still alive in a sense but as a non religious person for children its nice to say those people are stars instead. #coolmumclub
Aleena Brown · February 23, 2017 at 1:55 pm
It’s so lovely that you hold so much importance in talking to each other. Even if he doesn’t understand now, in future he will always know that he can talk about anything with you, and that’s so valuable. #CoolMumClub
Hattie - Coffee & Bubbles · February 23, 2017 at 3:58 pm
I like your take on this, I think it is important to be honest and open with our kids, even regarding the difficult, awkward, upsetting topics. There’s nothing quite like a funeral procession to remind us to embrace the present and talking to our loved ones is the perfect way to spend time. #CoolMumClub
mummuddlingthrough · February 23, 2017 at 8:03 pm
Oh I love this so much. I’ve always tried to have this approach but lately the eldest (about to turn 5) has started asking me some pretty quirky questions! It’s so important for the kids to know they can talk to us about anything, so keep it up – thanks for a bit of pause for thought about it…
And thanks for joining us at #coolmumclub!
Mummy Times Two · February 26, 2017 at 11:01 am
I totally agree with this, it’s so so important to talk to our little ones about everything. The more we prepare them in advance, the safer life feels, and the more capable they are of dealing with whatever life throws at them, whenever it decides to do so. Thank you so much for writing this post and linking it up, we all need reminders now and again of why this is so important #PostsFromTheHeart
Cathy · February 28, 2017 at 1:42 pm
This is great! I think you’re so right about the need to chat to our children about every area of life from them being very young. I find it hard to do in practice, but this is a good reminder to have a renewed effort to do it. I’ve got a baby and a toddler and my toddler is starting to become very talkative now. It’s new territory, but a good opportunity to chat to him about anything and everything. Thanks so much for this post!
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