I’m pretty sure I’ve already forgotten some of what I learned during pregnancy but here’s what I do remember…
#1 Everyone has a horrific labour story. They will share this with you whether you want them to or not.
#2 Everyone has an opinion on the hospital you’ve chosen to give birth in. Again, they will share this with you whether you want them to or not.
#3 In the first trimester, you will think it’s incredibly obvious that you’re pregnant. People aren’t as observant as you think, they won’t all guess.
#4 The first trimester is when you feel the worst and would like sympathy but this is when you’re not telling anyone. This feels unfair.
#5 Morning sickness is not just for mornings.
#6 Constant snacking really helps. Leave food everywhere, particularly beside your bed.
#7 People will comment on your body, your skin, how tired you look… suddenly no part of your appearance seems out of bounds.
#8 People will touch your belly without permission. They will ask if it’s ok, but only once they are already touching you.
#9 Everyone will give you advice on how to raise your baby. All the advice is different so it’s best to nod, smile and then store it away with all the conflicting advice and just choose to do your own thing!
#10 People will be more excited than you. Deep down you’re absolutely thrilled but the enormous amount of extra weight you’re carrying and constant nausea make it hard to muster up the energy for an outward display of excitement!
#11 You will question why you’re suddenly buying so much toilet roll and then realise it’s because you’re weeing 100 x more than normal!
#12 Journeys will take longer, particularly if the bus sets off your nausea and you have to get off to throw up or sit on the pavement with your head between your legs!
#13 People will be offended if they see your ‘baby on board’ badge and they offer you a seat and you don’t want to sit down. You will feel obliged to sit even though you’ve only got one stop to go and would rather stand.
#14 People will guess the sex of your baby. No matter what sex they guessed, when you know (or when the baby is born) they will say, “I knew it was a boy/girl!”
#15 Your new incredible sense of smell will make you feel a bit like a superhero. It will also make you incredibly nauseous.
#16 Managing to paint your toenails towards the end of pregnancy will feel like one of the biggest achievements of your life.
#17 Maternity leave is really good for watching box sets.
#18 You know that stage of pregnancy where you don’t feel sick and you have lots of energy that people talk about? It doesn’t exist for everyone, or if it did for me, it was so quick I missed it!
#19 You will not love every minute of pregnancy and will feel guilty for not enjoying growing a person. This is ok, other people feel the same and it’s a great relief to be honest about it!
#20 However, feeling your baby move is the most amazing thing (even when he kicks you in the ribs) and it is quite simply the most unbelievable miracle that a tiny human can grow inside of you.